Stupid Boy
by Bandit's Girl
Summary: It was the longest flight in the history of flights, and it had nothing to do with time. Edward angst.


**So, like I said: Angst. And then this song hit me and voila, angsty songfic. **

**Also, many thanks to Marigold Winters for pointing out the lack of italics in the middle of the story. For some reason, they didn't stay when I uploaded the story. **

**Disclaimer: Try as I might, I don't own Edward or any of the Twilight world. Nor do I own Look After You, by the Fray, or Better than Drugs, by Skillet, or Stupid Boy, by Keith Urban. So there. **

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It was going to be a long flight. Of course, it was transatlantic, but I was thinking more about avoiding thinking. If the guilt overcame me during the flight and I broke down there... No. I couldn't consider the idea.

So I made my way through the airport as quickly as was humanly possible. I still made it to my flight early and, once seated, knew that the next several hours were going to be sheer torture. I purchased a set of headphones from a flight attendant and plugged them into the radio. I had, almost religiously, avoided music, but today I wanted to lose myself in it and stop thinking. The flight attendent was not helping as she thought about how depressed I looked. Please, just go away. Can't a vampire mourn and plot suicide in peace?

I decided that, with my limited musical selection, I would give each channel a chance. Channel one. Let's see what we have here. I caught the end of some random rock song. Perhaps this will work.

_If I don't say this now I will surely break  
As I'm leaving the one I want to take  
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait  
My heart has started to separate_

I didn't say the right things when I had the chance, I never told her-

Never mind. I could feel the guilt starting to take over, like some poison spreading through me. This was clearly not going to help me blank out. On to channel two. If this particular airline used the same frequencies that my last flight had used, the next channel was religious (or so I thought). Perhaps some gospel would be a nice distraction.

_Feel your every heartbeat  
Feel you on these empty nights _

You have got to be kidding me. Not the fact that it was indeed the same channel system, but the song. I thought fast. Channel five was country. I almost never listen to country (except for those rare occasions when one of my siblings feel that it is necessary to torment me), but today, I was willing to use it as a distraction.

_Well, she was precious like a flower  
She grew wild, wild but innocent  
A perfect prayer in a desperate hour  
She was everything beautiful and different_

What? This cannot be happening. All I wanted was to drown out the world and my thoughts, the latter most specifically. Was the world truly out to get me today? Isn't it bad enough that I lost everything?

_Stupid boy, you can't fence that in  
Stupid boy, it's like holding back the wind  
She laid her heart and soul right in your hands  
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans  
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens  
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't  
You stupid boy, stupid boy, oh_

The flight attendent from before made an attempt to offer me a drink, but I tuned her and her inappropriate thoughts out. Not that the music was really that much better.

_So what made you think you could take a life  
And just push it, push it around  
I guess to build yourself up so high  
You had to take her and break her down _

_She laid her heart and soul right in your hands  
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans  
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens  
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't  
You stupid boy_

It was like I was treading water, just trying to stay above the surface. But I couldn't. I gave up, let myself drown in the guilt. I made a million little mistakes leading up to this last one. I never gave her a choice in anything, I was so confident that I knew what was best. In the end, I was wrong. I should have done everything differently. I could have made her truly happy. And what had I done?

_Oh, you always had to be right  
But now you've lost the only thing that ever made you feel alive  
Yeah, yeah _

_Well, she laid her heart and soul right in your hands  
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans  
Yes, ya did  
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens  
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't  
You stupid boy, oh, I'm the same old  
Same old stupid boy_

It was all my fault. I was stupid enough to think that I could just...walk away, and nothing would happen to either of us. Even worse than the leaving was actually believing that.

_It took awhile for her to figure out she could run  
But when she did, she was  
Long gone, long gone  
Ah, she's gone_

She's gone. Never coming back. Never, never...I cannot live like this. Which is why I'm going to Volterra. I can't exist in a world where she doesn't. I can only hope that she, at least, has a happy afterlife.

_Nobody's ever gonna love me like she loved me  
And she loved me, she loved me  
God please, just let her know  
I'm sorry, I'm sorry  
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, baby  
Yeah, I'm down on my knees  
She's never coming back to me_

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**Kiowa loves to get reviews. Especially if you have suggestions for improvement. Granted, she has one for herself: don't write angst at midnight. It fries your brain.**


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